Is It Normal to Miss Being Single While in a Relationship? Common Feelings Explained

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Introduction: The Bittersweet Reality of Relationship Nostalgia

Picture this: You’re curled up on the couch with your partner, watching a movie you compromised on (again), when suddenly a fleeting thought crosses your mind: “Remember when I could watch whatever I wanted without discussing it first?” Or perhaps you find yourself reminiscing about spontaneous solo adventures or the thrill of meeting someone new for the first time.

If you’ve experienced moments like these, you’re not alone. Contrary to what romantic comedies might have us believe, missing aspects of single life doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed or that you’ve chosen the wrong partner. In fact, these feelings are incredibly common and deeply human.

Research from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that approximately 72% of people in committed relationships occasionally miss aspects of being single. This natural nostalgia exists alongside genuine love and commitment to your current partnership. The human heart is complex enough to hold both gratitude for your relationship and occasional longing for the freedom of singlehood.

In this guide, we’ll explore why these feelings arise, what they might mean, and how to honor them while nurturing your current relationship. Because understanding the full spectrum of relationship emotions isn’t just normal—it’s essential for building authentic, lasting connections.

7 Common Reasons Why People Miss Being Single

Missing certain aspects of single life doesn’t necessarily indicate relationship dissatisfaction. Rather, it often reflects natural human desires that can shift in expression when we partner up. Here are the most common elements people miss:

Freedom and Autonomy

The ability to make decisions solely based on personal preference ranks as the number one aspect people miss about single life. Whether it’s choosing what to eat for dinner, how to spend a Saturday afternoon, or making major life decisions like relocating for a job opportunity, relationships naturally involve compromise.

As Dr. Maya Johnson, relationship psychologist, explains: “The autonomy we experience as singles allows for unfettered self-expression. In relationships, we balance our needs with a partner’s, which can feel constraining at times—even in the healthiest partnerships.”

This doesn’t mean you dislike compromising with your partner; rather, you might occasionally miss the simplicity of following your own rhythm without consideration for another person’s needs.

Identity and Self-Discovery

Single life often involves active identity exploration. When we partner up, especially in long-term relationships, we can sometimes feel our identity becoming intertwined with our partner’s or defined primarily through the relationship itself.

The “we” gradually takes precedence over the “me,” which can leave some people longing for the clarity of self they experienced while single. This is particularly common during major life transitions like moving in together, engagement, or marriage, when relationship identities often become more pronounced.

Excitement and Novelty

The biochemical rush of meeting someone new—those butterflies, the anticipation of a text, the thrill of first experiences together—creates a natural high. Long-term relationships, while offering deeper forms of connection, naturally evolve beyond this intense initial phase.

Psychologist Dr. Helen Fisher’s research shows that the dopamine-driven excitement of new romance naturally transitions to more oxytocin-based attachment over time. Missing that early-stage excitement doesn’t mean your relationship lacks passion—it simply means you’re human and occasionally nostalgic for different types of emotional experiences.

Social Dynamics and Friendships

Many people find their social circles contract somewhat after entering serious relationships. Time once spent at spontaneous happy hours, weekend trips with friends, or actively expanding your social network may now be allocated to couple time or merged friend groups.

A 2019 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that individuals lose approximately two close friends on average after entering a serious romantic relationship. This natural shift can sometimes leave people missing the broader social landscape they navigated while single.

Personal Growth Through Challenge

Being single often forces self-reliance. From handling household repairs to navigating social events solo, single life presents unique challenges that foster personal growth. While partnerships provide valuable support, they can sometimes create comfort zones that limit certain types of growth opportunities.

Financial Independence

Money matters in relationships—and shared finances or financial planning can feel more complicated than managing money solo. Some people miss the simplicity of making financial decisions without considering a partner’s financial style, goals, or priorities.

Physical Space and Solitude

The comfort of spreading out across an entire bed. The freedom to design your living space precisely to your preferences. The quiet moments of solitude that allowed for deep thinking or creative pursuits. Physical space and alone time are often more abundant in single life, and their reduction in relationships can trigger occasional longing.

Missing Singlehood: Normal Feeling or Relationship Warning Sign?

The key question many people ask themselves is whether missing single life is a harmless nostalgia or a signal that something’s wrong in their relationship. The answer lies in understanding the difference between occasional wistfulness and persistent dissatisfaction.

When Missing Single Life Is Normal

Most relationship experts agree that occasionally missing aspects of single life is entirely normal and compatible with a healthy relationship when:

• The feelings are intermittent rather than constant
• You still feel generally happy and fulfilled in your relationship
• You don’t actively wish to return to single life
• The nostalgia centers on specific elements (like personal space) rather than the entire single lifestyle
• You can acknowledge these feelings without acting in ways that damage your relationship

Relationship therapist Dr. Sarah Chen notes: “Every lifestyle choice involves trade-offs. Entering a relationship means gaining companionship, intimacy, and partnership while relinquishing certain aspects of independence. Occasionally missing those elements doesn’t mean you’ve made the wrong choice—it means you’re aware of what you’ve consciously traded for what you value more.”

When It Might Signal Deeper Issues

While occasional nostalgia is normal, certain patterns might indicate that your feelings warrant closer attention:

• You frequently fantasize about returning to single life
• These thoughts occupy significant mental space daily
• You find yourself regularly comparing your current life unfavorably to your single days
• You’re actively creating distance in your relationship to recapture single-life feelings
• You feel trapped or suffocated in your relationship most of the time
• You’re engaging in behaviors that violate relationship boundaries (like flirting or emotional affairs)

These patterns may indicate that your relationship isn’t meeting important needs or that you might benefit from examining your commitment level or relationship satisfaction more deeply.

Real Stories: How Others Navigate These Feelings

Understanding these feelings in context can help normalize your experience. Here are two real case studies (with names changed) that illustrate different ways people experience and navigate missing aspects of single life:

Case Study 1: Marcus and Elena – Finding Balance

After three years of living together, Marcus (34) began feeling restless in his relationship with Elena (32). He found himself reminiscing about the freedom of his single days—particularly his solo hiking trips and spontaneous weekends with friends.

“I loved Elena deeply, but I started to feel like I was losing parts of myself,” Marcus explains. “At first, I felt guilty about these thoughts and tried to suppress them, which only made them stronger.”

Instead of viewing these feelings as a relationship death sentence, Marcus initiated an honest conversation with Elena. To his surprise, she shared similar feelings about missing certain aspects of her independent life. Together, they developed a system that included:

• “Solo adventure days” where each pursued individual interests
• Separate friend outings without guilt or excessive check-ins
• A monthly weekend where one partner had the apartment to themselves

“Creating intentional space for independence actually strengthened our relationship,” Marcus reflects. “We appreciate our time together more, and we bring fresh energy and experiences to share with each other.”

Case Study 2: Jasmine – Recognizing Deeper Issues

For Jasmine (29), missing single life revealed underlying compatibility issues in her relationship with her boyfriend of two years. “I initially thought my feelings were normal nostalgia, but they kept intensifying,” she shares. “I realized I wasn’t just missing certain aspects of being single—I was missing the person I was when single.”

Through therapy, Jasmine recognized that her relationship had become restrictive in ways that weren’t merely about normal compromise. Her partner subtly discouraged her career ambitions, criticized her friendships, and expected her to adopt his interests while showing little interest in hers.

“What I was actually missing wasn’t singlehood itself, but the sense of possibility and self-determination I had before this relationship,” she explains. “This realization helped me see that the relationship wasn’t right for me, despite caring for him.”

Jasmine eventually ended the relationship and took time to reconnect with herself before dating again. Her next relationship felt different—she maintained her sense of self while still enjoying the benefits of partnership.

These contrasting experiences highlight how similar feelings can point to different solutions. For Marcus, building more independence within the relationship resolved his nostalgia. For Jasmine, the feelings were signals of fundamental incompatibility that required a different path forward.

How to Communicate These Feelings With Your Partner

One of the most challenging aspects of missing single life is knowing whether—and how—to discuss these feelings with your partner. Many fear hurting their partner’s feelings or having their thoughts misconstrued as dissatisfaction with the relationship itself.

When to Bring It Up

Consider discussing these feelings when:

• They persist despite your efforts to address them independently
• You find yourself acting distant or resentful without explanation
• You believe your relationship could genuinely benefit from adjustments that would address what you’re missing
• You’re confident these feelings reflect normal nostalgia rather than fundamental relationship problems

Choose a calm moment when you’re both relaxed and have time for a thoughtful conversation—not during conflict or when either of you is stressed, tired, or rushing.

Framing the Conversation Constructively

The way you introduce this topic significantly impacts how your partner receives it. Consider these approaches:

Relationship counselor Dr. Michael Torres suggests: “Frame the conversation around what you need rather than what you’re missing. ‘I need more autonomy’ feels less threatening to your partner than ‘I miss the freedom I had when I was single.'”

Navigating Partner Reactions

Even with thoughtful communication, your partner might initially feel hurt, rejected, or insecure. This is natural—they may fear these feelings signal dissatisfaction with them personally.

If your partner becomes defensive or upset:

• Reaffirm your commitment and what you value about the relationship
• Clarify that these feelings coexist with your love for them—they’re not mutually exclusive
• Listen to their concerns without becoming defensive yourself
• Consider tabling the discussion and returning to it after both have had time to process
• Suggest reading articles like this one together to normalize these feelings

Remember that your partner might have similar feelings they haven’t expressed. Creating a safe space for this conversation can sometimes lead to mutual understanding that strengthens your connection.

Maintaining Independence While Nurturing Your Relationship

The most fulfilling relationships balance togetherness with individual autonomy. Here are practical strategies for maintaining independence while nurturing your partnership:

Create Structural Independence

Build regular opportunities for independence into your relationship:

• Scheduled solo time: Designate specific times for individual activities without guilt or excessive check-ins
• Separate friend circles: Maintain friendships independent of your relationship
• Personal projects: Pursue hobbies or goals that are solely yours
• Physical space: If living together, create areas in your home that are primarily “yours”
• Independent financial elements: Consider maintaining some financial independence alongside shared resources

Alicia Muñoz, LPC and relationship counselor, notes: “Creating intentional space for separateness paradoxically often brings couples closer. When partners feel free to be themselves fully, they bring their whole, authentic selves to the relationship.”

Psychological Independence

Beyond structural changes, nurture psychological independence by:

• Maintaining personal boundaries: Communicate your needs clearly and honor your partner’s boundaries
• Practicing self-validation: Develop internal resources for emotional regulation rather than depending entirely on your partner
• Cultivating self-knowledge: Regularly check in with yourself about your values, goals, and needs
• Owning your choices: Remember that you actively choose your relationship daily—you’re not trapped

Bringing Single-Life Benefits Into Your Relationship

Many elements people miss about single life can be consciously incorporated into relationships:

• Spontaneity: Plan surprise dates or activities for each other
• Self-discovery: Share personal growth journeys and support each other’s evolution
• Novel experiences: Regularly try new activities together to maintain freshness
• Social expansion: Intentionally widen your social circles as a couple
• Independence: Create “choose your own adventure” days where you separately pursue activities and reconnect to share experiences

Dr. Esther Perel, renowned relationship therapist, emphasizes: “The most captivating relationships are those where partners can still surprise each other—where familiarity and mystery coexist. This happens when each person maintains some separateness.”

Your Emotional Compass: Navigating Relationship Nostalgia

Missing aspects of single life while in a loving relationship isn’t a contradiction—it’s part of the complex emotional landscape we navigate as humans seeking both connection and autonomy. Rather than seeing these feelings as problematic, consider them valuable data points on your relationship journey.

Your Personal Action Plan

1. Self-reflection: Identify specifically what aspects of single life you miss most. This clarity helps address the real needs behind the nostalgia.
2. Honest communication: Have a thoughtful conversation with your partner about creating space for individuality within your relationship.
3. Balanced integration: Implement specific practices that honor your need for autonomy while strengthening your connection.
4. Regular reassessment: Check in with yourself periodically about whether your relationship supports your authentic self-expression.
5. Celebration of choice: Remember that healthy relationships involve conscious, ongoing choice—which is itself a form of freedom.

The most fulfilling relationships aren’t those where partners never miss aspects of single life—they’re relationships where both people feel free enough to acknowledge these feelings without fear, and secure enough to work together on creating a partnership that honors both connection and individuality.

What aspect of your authentic self might be seeking more expression in your relationship? And how might addressing this actually strengthen rather than threaten your connection? The answers to these questions often hold the key to transforming relationship nostalgia into relationship growth.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does missing being single mean I should break up with my partner?

Not necessarily. Occasionally missing aspects of single life is normal and compatible with a healthy, loving relationship. The key distinction is whether you’re experiencing fleeting nostalgia for specific elements of single life (like more personal space or decision-making freedom) versus a persistent desire to actually be single again. If these feelings are occasional, coexist with genuine love for your partner, and center on specific freedoms rather than the entire lifestyle, they’re likely normal. However, if you constantly fantasize about being single and feel trapped or suffocated in your relationship, it might warrant deeper reflection about compatibility.

Is it disloyal to miss being single while in a relationship?

Missing certain aspects of single life doesn’t constitute disloyalty. Our emotions aren’t always within our control, and acknowledging them honestly (at least to yourself) is healthier than suppression. Disloyalty would involve acting on these feelings in ways that violate relationship agreements—like secretly flirting with others or cultivating potential backup relationships. The feelings themselves are normal human experiences that many committed, loyal partners have. What matters is how you process and respond to these feelings, not that you have them.

How can I stop missing being single if these feelings are causing problems?

If nostalgia for single life is creating significant distress, try these approaches: First, identify the specific elements you miss (autonomy, excitement, personal space) and brainstorm how to integrate these into your current relationship. Second, practice gratitude for the unique benefits your relationship provides that weren’t available during single life. Third, consider whether relationship dynamics need adjustment—perhaps you’ve lost too much individuality and need to recalibrate. If these feelings persist despite efforts to address them, speaking with a relationship therapist can provide valuable perspective. Sometimes, these feelings point to specific, addressable needs rather than fundamental relationship problems.